For a long time I clenched tightly to fear. A heavy weight of unease I wasn’t quite sure how to live without. 

I didn't trust. You see, the fear created a blind spot, hindering me from seeing the community, the safety, and the beauty around me. 

I honor the feelings of un-safety, I honor that not all men had good intentions, I honor my ability to discern & protect my energy & physical body.

I changed my perspective around fear, seeing it as a friend. A friend who is wildly afraid, and most of the time, that friend just needs reassurance. 

We're okay, my dear friend fear.   

It is my Great White Bear who has shown me this

One early spring night I had a dream, 

a bear was following me through the woods. 

I had many dreams that spring of bears, like big naughty dogs I would wrestle, discipline & hide from. 

But this night was different, this bear - calm & sturdy, was white. 

He followed me through the woods to my cabin where he refused my dismissal. Refused to chase the treats I threw into the forest. He stood in my doorway, “What do you want!” I spoke, agitated at his presence. 

He communicated with me through telepathy. 

He wanted to be my friend, to walk with me, he was warm & inviting. So I gave up hiding & running & I let him walk behind me. 

Through a sea of people we strode, his aura radiated around me in a protective circle.

A deep sense of peace & safety settled over me realizing I was held in the bear's energy. I stepped fully into my body without a doubt that I was safe. 

This simple act of acceptance created a ripple that is far from fading into the turbulent waters. 

After this night, In the waking world, I called upon the energy of the Great White Bear, to offer phantom safety in crowds & deep forests. I would close my eyes & imagine him around me, guarding, communicating with the creatures of the forest & scaring off any unwanted visitors with a vicious roar! 

The next fall, alone in my cabin - cozyed in bed with a couple grams of cubensis in my belly & the intention set on healing masculine wounds. 

I listened as the divine guided me through cord cuttings.

Shoving off old rigid ideas to make way for new. 

I called back my energy, my body was full, my mind at ease…

And there he was

behind me, 

my spine, my strength,  where he's always been - waiting to be invoked.

And he tucked me in his big bear arms & I cried. I released every emotion I held because he made me feel safe. 

Awake & in dreams he reminds me to release the tension from my shoulders  

to lean back 

to lean into my masculine, 

to let it hold me, 

This bear is a guide, a gift from spirit to lead me back to myself. I honor & own the great masculine I have inside. 

In doing so this creates boundless circles of energy for my feminine spirit to flourish. 

So I thank this Spirit Bear for showing me the divine masculine I have inside and I thank myself for giving up a wall & letting myself feel my masculine might.